I can't change everything, and I can't fix everything. The Lord has been trying to teach me a few things in this transition, and I think I have finally figured it out:
1. Patience. My patience is very thin. This whole transition has taught me to wait on the Lord. The Lord's time table is completely different than mine, but in turning things over to the Lord we are trusting him that what will be will be and we will be happy for it.
2. FAITH. This is HUGE for me. My faith has faltered A LOT!!! It's sad to say, but it's true. There have been times that I've asked why? Why are you doing this to me? Why is this happening to my family? Why is this so hard? Why? Why? Instead I should be asking what can I do? Faith without works is dead. The Lord can not help us if we don't have faith. In turning things over to the Lord we have to have Faith that this is what the Lord wants WHEN he wants it.
3. Endurance. I think this is the final test that I am facing. I'm turning it over to the Lord. I am laying it at his feet and I WILL handle whatever is thrown my way. "I didn't say it would be easy, I only said it would be worth it." I am reminded of the scripture in D&C where Joseph Smith is in Liberty Jail and the Lord told him that it was all for his experience and good. This is for my experience and just think how much stronger I can be when I'm done with this portion of my test?
So with all of this said, many emotions have been high. I've been happy, sad, stressed, angry, confused, fallen, and depressed all rolled into one. It's rough, but I have to keep reminding myself that this is all for my own good, and experience. ENDURANCE!! To finish I would like to share some Lyrics to a GREAT song by Lifehouse. It pretty much says what I've been going through these past months, but I'm here and I'm hanging on and will continue to hang on till the end!! You can do it! I can do it! We just need to keep hanging on and keep the Faith!
Broken
The broken clock is a comfort
It let's me sleep tonight
Maybe it can stop tomorrow
From stealing all my time
I am here still waiting
I still have my doubts
I am damaged at best
Like you've already figured out
I'm falling apart
I'm barely breathing
With a broken heart
That's still beating
In the pain
There is healing
In your name
I find meaning
So I'm holding on, I'm holdin' on, I'm holdin' on
Barely holding on to you
The broken locks were a warning
You got inside my head
Tried my best to be guarded
I'm an open book instead
I still see your reflection
Inside my eyes
That are looking for purpose
There still looking for life
Chorus
Hanging on another day
Just to see what you will throw my way
And I'm hanging on to the words you say
You said that I will, will be OK
Broken light on the freeway
Left me here alone
I may have lost my way now
Haven't forgotten my way home
I'm falling apart
I'm barely breathing
With a broken heart
That's still beating
In the pain (In the pain)
There is healing
In your name (In your name)
I find meaning
So I'm holding on (I'm still holdin'), I'm holdin' on (I'm still holdin' on), I'm holdin' on (I'm still holdin')
Barely holding on to you
I'm holding on (I'm still holdin'), I'm holdin' on (I'm still holdin' on), I'm holdin' on (I'm still holdin')
Barley holding on to you
